you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
