if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
