when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
