So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
