God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
