I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
