You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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