Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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