I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Randomize
