I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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