God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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