i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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