I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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