there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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