A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
