found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
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