got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
