Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize