We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
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