Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
