if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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