K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
