Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
