is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
