i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
