yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
worst night to have a conscience
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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