So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.