I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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