please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?