your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
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They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
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If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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