She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
