dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
