Her vagina should come with caution tape.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
