for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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