somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
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I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
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Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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