there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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