tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
