I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
