I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
