I looked at my own cervix.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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