He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
