I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
