Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I think my moral compass just broke
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
