There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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