I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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