Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
