i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
