I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I FOUND THE LEGS
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Randomize
