i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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