Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize
