I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Randomize
