Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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