Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
