Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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