You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
