My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
