Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
