I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Randomize
