from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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