I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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