Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
It's shark week go big or go home
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
