I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
