Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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