for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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