that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
