i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
It's just like the Real World with babies
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
