Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
you made out with another girl for some wings
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
