1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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