We won't sleep together?
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
