It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
