Porn is love you can see.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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