i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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