I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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