So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
