Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
