I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
i've created a new STD.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
