yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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